Reverse your hamster's nocturnality with Nocturnal No More!™
Have you ever wished that your hamster would follow your sleep pattern, or is, in other words, well, not nocturnal? At Hamster Hideout, we will transform what seemed like wishful thinking into reality, with our wonderful, first-of-its-kind product that can reverse your hamster's inborn nocturnality. Introducing, Nocturnal No More!™
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What is Nocturnal No More™?
Nocturnal No More!™ is a Hamster Bio Clock Inverter which will reverse the inborn sleeping habits of your hamster.
Ever wondered why your hamster is causing a racket on the wheel at night when you are trying to get some proper rest? And why are they so sleepy when you are trying to play with them in the day? That's because hamsters are nocturnal, meaning they sleep in the day when there's light and become active at night when it's dark. Humans are not nocturnal, that why we sleep at night. But with the help of Nocturnal No More!™, your hamster will become the same as you! You can play with him/her in the day and sleep together at night. You will no longer disturb each other at bedtime! :D This is especially useful if you are both sleeping in the same room!
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How does it work?
Nocturnal No More!™ contains a 60-minute CD audio track (playable on any ordinary CD player) which is derived from a sophisicated software algorithm, painstakenly fine-tuned through an elaborate and detailed analysis of a hamster's sleep cycle. Close to 100 hamsters were monitored 24 hours a day for 3 years to gather the data required to create this audio track. It works by broadcasting a low frequency, hypnotic, yet soothing rhythm that will alter the hamster's mood and behaviour progressively. After 7 nights of listening, the hamster will be sleepy at night and therefore active in the day!
The following chart shows the difference in a hamster's activity before and after using Nocturnal No More!™. Notice the red graph, which indicates the hamster's high level of activity in the day during the hours of 12 noon to 8 pm.
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Wow, I am sold! How do I get it?
The good news is that Hamster Hideout members are entitled to a free sample track! Please post your request at this topic. Hurry! Only a limited number will be given away! :D This is our way of thanking you for supporting Hamster Hideout.
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1) Is it safe for hamsters?
This is 100% safe for hamsters. We wouldn't be a popular hamster website and promote a product that is unsafe for hamsters, would we? Of the 100 hamsters that were part of the research, none of them suffered from any abnormality (apart from becoming non-nocturnal, of course).
2) Is it safe for humans (i.e. me?)?
Of course! If it's safe for hamsters, it's safe for us as well! Do you know that we are 99% similar in our DNA with hamsters?
3) Will it work on other rodents, e.g. mice and rats?
This product has never been tested on other rodents although theoretically it should work. You may wish to try it out on your rats and mice at your own risk. Do let us know how well it works.
4) Great! So it will work on my rabbits as well?
Sorry, rabbits are no longer classified as rodents since 1912.
5) Will I become nocturnal if I accidentally play it in the day?
Due to the 1% difference between us and hamsters (see FAQ #2), humans look like humans and hamsters look like hamsters. Because of the same reason, humans are not affected by this product.
6) Hamster Hideout does not support animal testing, why is it that the product was tested on 100 hamsters?
No hamsters were harmed in the making of this product. The research and development process was monitored closely by the internationally renowned Humane Association for Hamsters.
7) Can the effects be reversed?
That's easy enough. Just play the CD for your hamster during daytime for 7 days! :D
8) How soon can I see results?
You may see the effects in some hamsters sooner than others, but rest assured that within 7 days, all types of hamsters will lose his/her nocturnality.
9) Does the audio track contain sublimal messages?
Hamster Hideout respects your privacy and does not avocate mind manipulation, behaviour modification and thought reform on humans.
10) What if I am nocturnal myself?
Then you should either use the product on both your hamster and yourself (But refer to FAQ #5 first), or not use the product at all. :(
11) When will Nocturnal No More!™ be launched? And how much will it cost?
The launch date and pricing will be announced at a later date. Meanwhile, enjoy your free sample! :D
12) If your sample works, why should I buy the full product later?
The effects of the sample track will be temporary, while the full product will be a permanent solution! The full product will also come with a 104-page handbook on hamster care as a bonus! :D
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[Updated on 2 April 2008: This is an April Fools' Day prank (2008). The product is fictatious and do not represent the interests of Hamster Hideout. For more details on the joke, please refer to this link. Participants were given a free blog as a token of appreciation.]
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